i have been up for almost six hours
and have found zero reasons to leave my room
escaping to the city, my city, would be of no use
i would be trading chaos for chaos.
it is almost five and i
i cannot leave my bed
i keep thinking of the dream
(ten hours is a lot of time for dreaming)
where the cafe turned into an
ice cream shop and i was so excited
they had toffee and i hoped they would
have peanut butter should you ever come
to visit
in the dream i had the best pedicure of my life
but she shaved off my heel and it looked like
my healing legs. i peeled off the skin like paint chips
and i hoped you wouldn't notice.
i arranged my drugs and forgot to take them
then looked at my packed bowl and my
antibiotics and arnica and laughed and laughed
and sat and sat and died and died
my shoes came in the mail
they are pretty to look at but
too big and i know even if they
were perfect i would not be happy.
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