of white to pink/unfold to wilt

sex of pollen bursting

gives little shelter

your sister goes before

the tabernacle rattles

swoon to fallen

colors change

arrange rearrange

in front of you

go before you feel

your sisters tears

mulch and motley

feels ungodly fears

shedding, peeled

gaining years

cater to kate (her)

soup rise

suprise

sous prize

real eyes

realize

real lies

craving nothing

some nights

like tonight

i'm anxious for unconcious

i mean

that my screen

has felt belly snores before

once more

it's a bore

to write right well into the night

good night

feels so right

that i risk again getting excited

can't jive, don't hate

to the musicians i will never have:

my language is the common one. the kind that gets you extra cream in your coffee, or your oil checked. it is the twenty-six letters assembled together that form these modes of expression that i use to make my professors happy, and my temperament said.

your language is the one i admire though. theres a middle man. or woman (instruments have curves). and i know that to play them is to touch your first love. i'm content with the status of mistress, if only to your wooden woman. but like you, i can't get content.

something about thumbs slapping strings to make the soul sing. mine hears it too, and wades through the nonsense of syntax and verb tense like a fog that cuts and clears away. i hear you and it's honest. i hear you. it vibrates my ribs and pulls tight my tendons, aching like a square peg looking down the round tunnel of admiration.

sure, i can jam. but you won't hear me. you'll hear the notes i could shake out of my cold metal valves at the last second. you'll hear the nonsense of noise. you wouldn't know of my soul unless i told you. i need to happen in verbal conversation.

so to my unfortunate unlovers: i love you. polylingual proprietors of my heart, i'm sorry you can't get me. and i'm more sorry than you that soaring free my heart can't be, without a-b-g-d-c. which may or may not be a major key to release a real ease, so i don't wear out what out i sneeze on my sleeve.

love, s-l-c

t givs

this mornings hard

so seans sister gets me high and we watch the dog show

it’s not fair that the judge has one arm.

how does he even hold a dog?

nicole was there too

she was pregnant when i lived with her

but now the kids in maryland and

the only teet being suckled is the bong

thanksgiving is for nonni

she doesn’t see me, but she did once

and tried to take my dimples, every time

even a few years ago, she would mark my skin

and say how smooth it was, unknowingly, endlessly

you know

I never thought changing diapers and coconut cream pie

would make me think of my grandmother

but i never thought i would smoke with my cousin

or drive a car at four in the morning

or talk to uke about the shape of paint

he has this beard now, my cousin

and sweatpants from college

and something new in his throat

shoegazing and blazing

holy shit

thankful isn’t really my bag

but i know i don’t have it that bad

and i know now not to go getting all mad

when holiday tv says i can get glad

longing a little longer

purples and yellows will be washed away
by the river of time
but i wish they would stay

so i could see the way your fingers pressed
in my light white thighs
where the colors found rest

"--------------------------------"

i wonder how long i can follow his lines
the sweeping steady nails, like trains sparks on rails
the lines of your feet, the steady left right left right that makes a straight
and a back, and a forth
and burns into the dust the curve of the familiar

the lines of soft pink blue yellow
that makes up shadows
on the wall when up your stairs
the lines i crawl up there

my lines are never straight
and are sometimes made of dust
and are sometimes a trail of clothes

but the best lines i know
are wherever he goes

lighten up ya sissy

can you hear it?
my heart breaks

every snare hit
it beats of being broken

plucked strings hang low
beaten by the bow
no happy notes to envoke in

can you feel it?
my heart shakes

missed the target
arrows and quivers, shaken

plucked strings hang low
beaten by the bow
all grace notes already taken

the gauge stops here

yeah it was a film noir nightmare
with white dashes on asphalt
and nylons with scratches

yeah it was an easy headache
that came just as same as
a stain on the lane

yeah i was too scared
to maintain cool jets
or curb dreamt epithets

but a gas toting something:
is the basis of my next vignette

hung over recovery

there are approximately

a thosand little babies

kicking at my kidneys

one i concieved

from my margarita

(strawberry)

and a few more

came to be

from that fucking jug of

carlo rossi

date night recovery!

a beautiful hip young thing shows me where to go

"theres a gameplan in getting you past patrons fajitas"

her words sneak out past red lips in a low purr

and tickle her septum

bright margaritas as red as her cowboy boots

i stare at the flourescent sludge with hatred and appreciation i grant prize fighters

how did you get me this fucked up, little guy?

i'm talking about fathers and ex boyfriends

to a rowdy cowboy stomping on eels

fixing my wagon

and eating the paper right off the tortilla

did i mention the deer

as you walked out, the sky fell
benevolent pinpricks turning to tear
to tell of brightness behind skies lying there
as the earth sang out with low toned bells

to the bar

i'm freezing to death
and can still see my breath

i’m not sure our realities allow for this love to come to fruition.

you try to wake me up but
i’m talking through my dreams
bout love with uppercuts, struts
and tea that flows in streams

i’m talking through my dreams
sorting out abstracted feelings
and tea that flows in streams
to reconcile the morning

sorting out abstracted feelings
in complex situations
to reconcile the morning
has concrete connotations

in complex situations
it’s better to keep dreaming
has concrete connotations
if you follow dreamy feelings

it’s better to keep dreaming
when we have this conversation
if you follow dreamy feelings
subconscious love is liberation

registration

times for deadlines
tied for the finish line
with fall and spring, legs tied
no more time to decide

right lane blues

there's a dude i gotta pass
cause when i move i do it fast
and when i pass i pray to christ
there ain't no coppers on my ass


i got the right lane blues
cause the right lane is wrong
i got the right lane blues
and so i'm singing this song

gettin the urge to merge
so i can take exit four
i'm never sure where it is
though i've been there some times before

i got the right lane blues
cause the right lane is wrong
i got the right lane blues
and so i'm singing this song

there's cars to the left of me
cars to the right
cars in front of me
and i can't fucking see at night


i got the right lane blues
cause the right lane is wrong
i got the right lane blues
and so i'm singing this song

oh thai there

there were garters and blood and a big white ass
that could be scene with a scream on the soul night scene

you k

you little ray of sunshine
like a dream
where everyone there likes me

you glide through my eyes
like a stream
where sunbeams trickle lightly

i'll change my stripes when i like

you can't make me feel bad
no no
about the men that i've had
yeah yeah

i know you want a house cat
to stay around get pet
but you should know by now that
that don't get this pussy wet

you don't go clippin my wings
no no
that just makes this bird mad
yeah yeah

my life

first musical roads

then the stage, bigger stage

songs, songs, songs

the entire album

screams screams screams

from girls, and girls

believing in me

coming together

being musicians, being

on different continents for weeks

smoked, dropped

i can see the spirits

changed into costumes

then i had a beard

then

then

years imploded

confusion

bad accident

screams, girls, crying

i didn’t feel anything

remembered

rest

she must not see

took me down this long way, man. that square glow. i mean that thing was a box, man. peter’s drive. i could have taken central to where i needed to be, which was between two lanes and myself, my neon. it took me down to where you were, and i knew your brother was home by what was on and i knew you weren’t cause the nissan’s gone and you’re not even there anymore anyways but that doesn’t mean i don’t get chills seeing the place.

i need to be new. dye my hair red. i don’t see myself in the mirror, i can’t. jaques lacan tells me totality is without myself, and what i see today i see in twos. thelma and louise, blues brothers, seventies lesbians. my roommate put up a mirror so we can see ourselves from the boots up.

i don’t know why that box took me to you. or why he wants to take me to france. but i do know i took my exit twice in a row. there were glares that obscured and obscure glares and it couldn’t be helped but dammit if i wasn’t piss scared going down the highway with lapses of vision and a wholly whiteness obliviating borders.

jam

you know the studio

you’ve been there before

you go down the stairs

where theres ground round the doors

but this time got my rhyme

play friendly again

play me notes to bend

friend lend CD to tend

shayna's blues 2

and if you were my doctor, then that would pepper it up

and if you were my doctor, then that would pepper it up

i’d drink you down cause you are brown but please don’t make me pee in a cup

and if you were my stool, i think i’d be your pigeon

and if you were my stool, i think i’d be your pigeon

i forgot my stool softener but that doesn’t mean i’m not smitten

if you were my chair, i’d move you from here to there

and if you were my chair you’d move from there to here to back to there

i’d go anywhere in that chair i don’t care as long as you were upon my derrière

my man dan

my man

let it go

there's a great road ahead

to float on

a bed and your six strings are all that you need

don’t trade them for shining and fine magazines

or fade when you take what your dosage exceeds

just trust me, love freely, adjust naturally

ode to sneaky faculty

saggy giraffe

conducting operas for no one

as your chin sinks lower every year

drug store shadow and stick

remains there

NEUTRAL BURN

remember new england winters
and i’m still in the same coat
but then i was new to snow and new to you

tounge, form transformed
found friends on beacon
there was symphony, movies, coffee

finding newness in grass
ego let go to geometry
fires in microwaves

crying when aeroplanes put away ashes
to sashays across ice on commons
are when i think you loved me most
but now we sleep in winters coats