t givs

this mornings hard

so seans sister gets me high and we watch the dog show

it’s not fair that the judge has one arm.

how does he even hold a dog?

nicole was there too

she was pregnant when i lived with her

but now the kids in maryland and

the only teet being suckled is the bong

thanksgiving is for nonni

she doesn’t see me, but she did once

and tried to take my dimples, every time

even a few years ago, she would mark my skin

and say how smooth it was, unknowingly, endlessly

you know

I never thought changing diapers and coconut cream pie

would make me think of my grandmother

but i never thought i would smoke with my cousin

or drive a car at four in the morning

or talk to uke about the shape of paint

he has this beard now, my cousin

and sweatpants from college

and something new in his throat

shoegazing and blazing

holy shit

thankful isn’t really my bag

but i know i don’t have it that bad

and i know now not to go getting all mad

when holiday tv says i can get glad

russel rustle, stirring ghosts

heart is a rabbit in a hurry, hungry
for sundry samples of memory, lovely
flashes of you in your tank are too much
for my stomach to keep down such little a lunch

i wish you the best, i’m wishing you well
but seeing you there is like being in hell
i’ll throw in the ocean my happiest token
to wash away notions of sad laughing swells

pipe eulogy: bowlympia

My dear bowlympia --

you spoke to me before you smoked for me. this little head shop in olympia, place of your conception. I looked for twenty minutes, and nothing. so I listened - I stopped looking - and I heard you. you were perfectly made, shaped, and priced. cobalt glass with green and gold stripes. with specks of real gold. but nothing gold can stay.

my brother made this, said the head shop owner when he picked you up. youre kidding! I said. you were such a labor of love, and i loved you. you didn't even need a screen.

I'm sorry I left you at that party last night. I didn't mean to. it had nothing to do with that other glass I was carrying with me. it was just a one hit thing, it doesn't mean anything to me. I don't even know its name.

bowlympia, I'm truly sorry. when I took you out today, picked you up from that coffee table, and said to you, and to ryan, 'oh bowlympia I'll be so said if and when I lose you. dont you hate that? how everythings ephemeral?' these are the daily conversations I have that jynx me. I'm so sorry, I didn't even know it was a curse.

you met your demise on the fucking stairs of the campus center, you just leaped out of my bag, like a dog running into the street, not knowing how those linoleum stairs can hit you like a semi. You, perfect in every way and a precious treasure I brought back from the west coast, getting killed by my messy purse and the weed-unfriendly campus that you graced with your presence.

this is a wake up call. I need to straighten up and leave this place. thank you for having your final act be one that opened my eyes. thank you for everything. especially the resin.

I'ma see you in weed heaven.

dayum its hot

shoulder blades popping everywhere today
tan taught bleach blonde
is what you get when april is june

four bridgewater girls running in groups
black matching sporta bras, shorts
someone passes, hows the run?
they are all:
awesome! awesome! awesome! so awesome!

minutes pass, two boys trot
slick, shaved, nothing but
running shorts and shoes
I'm not immune

unhealthy habits
reconsidered, resumed
no use changing myself
when watching running
gets me hot and bothered

shade cools everything down
slows my clove until the crackle quiets

it is all:
krrrkrrshhshhhhh
krrkrshhhhhhh
rrrrr shhhhhh

deer in headlights is a good look for me

smoke going up
darkens the ceiling
I have a feeling
that we're both alone

wash out my head
let me forget
the words I said
respond, regret

I traded love
for lack thereof

to show that I know
that I should
be alone

I would grow
to my toes
all my hair
and not care