fifteen things that astound me

i’m having dreams, and i remember them, and i know what they mean

i’m a self aware self sufficient organic machine

fractals

i thought there was a god and now i don’t and i used to think the pieces to the puzzle were random and couldn’t be put together but now i think they’re a little soggy and expanded and you need to work to make everything fit and i’m okay with being in control of my life, even if it’s the only one i have

i repeat my bad habits, but then sometimes i don’t

music (sounds made by people on wood and metal and strings and throats) can make me cry even if there are no words or the words are german.

the mojave desert, with long flat stretches of nothing, , and then mountains climbing up beyond where you will go, and the joshua trees that climb out of the ground and mark you with their stagnant ugliness

people watch television every day. some of these people watch conservative talk shows.

cordyceps fungi. there is one thing out there specifically designed to be the end of you.

self preservation through wealth and popularity is a high priority for the modern human

there is still war. people sign up to kill strangers for convoluted reasons, possibly because it’s a better adrenaline rush than halo 3.

perplexing victorian constructs such as the mutton chop and the penny-farthing bicycle

cchinnamasta, the mahavidya goddess that severs her own head, sending streams of blood from her neck. her, the mother of the universe, the fulfiller of desires, into the mouth of her attendants. she is usually seen standing on kamadeva and rati, fucking on a lotus flower, with her head in hand.

oscar wilde tells the story of salome, also one of decipatation, in heart wrenching prose: I will kiss thy mouth, Iokanaan.

i have an unexplained feeling that i want to smother you in. it’s like love, or a connection, or the desperate need to tell you that i am you and you are me and it’s alright we don’t understand each other completely because when i see you i know that in us all resonates a holy oneness, of whose origin we are ignorant of, but in our darkness we are together.