nice looking
in the mirror
to see the
face you love

sister skin, brother bones

sister skin
brother bones
the things between being
meat, unknowing sin

parade of skeletons
meeting in
streets of demons

we now forgot how to
hock hate and know no love
for our fathers, leaving them

behind like tender dust
we praise the void we
had no choice but to

fill and be a beacon
who can see
our sister skin
is gleaming

i like that we know the same dead people
and that their lookalikes cause disruption
in crowded places

i see him break open bloom
galloping through like
peroxide
in water, thick enough

a rolling consuming boiling blot in the pool,
taking it over in thick roping swirl

dressed in drag
wake up still
all woman and
mostly lady

liquid lines
persist between us

it's fun
being the person
I want you
to see

and you've yet
to deserve the
beyond gender
multitudes
just under the
skin

we will talk once
you buy me panties
in mexico

noonononono like I need the distraction

uncomfortable flutters like
my eyelashes are horses
and how can i possibly look
in the mirror without
circling the glass of my lips
thinking of yours

probably ovulating and swelling with love beyond what the magazines told me about.

us, on separate dates

i'm hanging over the balcony

arms like child arms

and you are below with your big round head 

and I can almost smell it

you're like me, like each other, a juggernaut

wanting to explode, jump, laugh, dream, love

i throw little buttons at you

make faces between acts

try and do that millennial thing 

with my hand and chin; falter.

later, i go home alone

and you too, i assume

a total of four cab rides.

five!  i took one there, while taylor took an arm chair upstairs

and I'm sitting in it, in a silk robe, smoking a roach

taking in the quiet times where i feel most myself, 

dripping languid goddessness

so inspired, i practice dancing. 

fold arms over legs, make new tattoo tableaus.

i think of you

i want to show you what a good time I'm having. 

my autonomous complete loving of the self

i want you to have it with me. 

i stand up, to show you my lap.

i look at my genitals. 

oh yeah, 

the first time i made a stage vagina i looked at this.

this looks like the first stage vagina i made

an old text from an old lover and i droop bit, a kink in the feather in the boa and

a new text from you. you tell me you love me and lightning bolt birds fly out of my chest and up the walls of my room and back again.  

i wanted to say it today and was thinking of ways all day. 
i didn't want to make it weird.
we already make it so, so weird.

Taylor and i mused over it, back to the Cosmo trash advice for invented ideals of woman, politely pleasing man. say you love something about them, say you love it when. i love it when...

then you text me about puke, and i love you too, dude.

eridanos

kind server eyes
trading schoolboy
dick doodles
for less sopohmoric
pussy squiggles

now I look at you
looking at me, later.

I look away quickly
but you saw the whole body blushing
like watercolor blooming
on the drawing

If I had known you were
Hungover
I would have never
Had you carry half of
Crying Styrofoam slabs up stairs

A blunder of feathers and tawny soft claws, a duck footed pigeon where he shouldn't have been, bleak and unknowing. I could have helped, as the risk of a moment. Could have flipped on hazards and moved the little one aside, a seconds hesitation the car continued gliding by and on the way home I hear tales of people we once cared for, now dont. Not out problem anymore, these Syrian children with the same pigeon eyes.

i learn to learn to walk in circles
but bigger every time
going around and outside of myself
but returning to you, and those
i have loved once, and

i drag my foot in the sand and
it covers the raw ginger root feelings
i smash them and turn them into
something useful, and kind

bears all the way (go) down

I find myself under
sedentary layer
of bear
of hairy hairs, grunts and glances
spanning time, and overlapping.

they squeeze me tight
they rip a fart
they sip a bong
they like my art.

they say they do, at any rate
unlike these words
sweet bears are great.

grumpy cafe

let's wonder what I'm doing
or
not think of anything at all

blushing over feelings a decade old,
old friends and lovers, but newness
in a never sleeping city.

no one moves on from me, to
happier things.

am I a destroyer, destruction mother? or,
the light in a sea
of frowns and seeming dead beings?

we are the broken people we
feared we would split into,
circling dustpans and junk yards
too small to hold the pieces of
our hearts.

the old trope of wishing wholeness
but being a bag of bird bones, only
hollow thrush garbles and air where
marrow once was.

god doesn't care about your plans or expectations because he's busy being in every thing and the space between the things also

some days are full of flaky boys
and stale joint pot smoke
smokey cars with
soggy parking ticket floors and
peanut butter jars of coffee
spilling all up into bags

no amount of rags
or baths
or sad dad jokes
or cosmic maths
can just undo
the day that's done

but weeks were fated
to be won

here we go again

Death comes in
uninvited
just in case
you need reminding

your plans, they are
contingent, all.
Death can pause
whispers,whims,
 can give bad cause
or none at all.

define sublime

oh these old things?

looking back at these old things

i learn i live in melancholy 

and if you were here 

i would see you moving past

sad at such a fast pace

on to the next thing always

and feel inspired

or at least, better

or at least, feel

more than your ghost

trust crush

somethin' ta tell ya

barbarella babes
not liberated, just born free
there seems to be a wee difference
how i wish you stayed
to pluck the laurels with me
from my big baby head,
i wished to present, all deference

hair dye and crackers

cheap thrills and luxury comforts
swirling to the same
green blue purple spiral,
i'll be down in crown
triumphant thumbprint

this association, disassociations
sincerity, sarcasm
all falling in on itself
and folding down
I'm(?) bowling over

alright, maybe this time
i won't fall into the same
habits, assigning meaning.
accept the good things

and still my breath on
simpler slits
like your kind eyelids or
warmer nights

even if it's
only this night

make me laugh

winter air here is a sad clown
it will take great greatness

hogtie me up
grease me down
and make both hands the
clawhammer, for my scared sake

if that's what it takes
after measures
so extreme being taken
he denies feeling broken

i hazard laughter

i keep waiting till it's over
but it ain't over till it's over
and i keep thinking it's over
over and over and over and over again.

i tried i keep
waiting for the splinters to sweep
up my feet like stilts, are bleeding

the trees look frightened
leaves look right at them
they pull in directions
away from the sun

the sun and
andy kaufman
i couldn't stare at
aware that
the titian of
trolls
acts so
droll
to woman

i catch you on
a forrest scar
where trains went and
my strides besides
happening tags
nail guns, buckets
given, imagined names
for us and other strangers

when you get blown off at zine fest
because of their depression
and you leave early
because of your anxiety

you wonder if making all those zines helped
or even helped you understand
not to date depressed people.

they hurt you and they don't want to
but it hurts anyway.

i will only be dating rainbow chasers
and go getters from now on.
unless, no.

11/7/11 draft

that college boy?

the son? of a preacher man?

i told him to turn around in his tracks

and hour late and no texts

(no texts!)

surely grounds for dismissal

i wished so badly you could see

objective, cold, dismissing

same old me

if only for frame of reference

that how crazy i am over you

and you alone, is, 

in a word, exceptional

stern resolutions, draft from august 2011

i will only talk to friends that say

HEY. FORGET THAT ASSHOLE. (easy)

i will only rent movies that will in no way

remind me of aforementioned asshole.

(see: latin american, surreal)

i will watch these movies by myself

and i will be happy.

i will keep my head down, to ensure

i never see anyone doing a great job

or guaranteeing looks of any sort

don't cry over everything

i know, everything reminds you of...

just. just shut the fuck up.

forget kissing. you never liked it.

you always hated it. it's gross.

don't remember how much you hated it?

stop listening to the mix you made

do not text him.

cryptically tweet about nothing.

these are the ammonias that will cleanse

your soul of these god awful

"feelings"

you have accumulated.

your absence hits me

like one thousand
humming birds
outside my window
in the quiet moments
of the morning

looking up and out
i fill with doubt
that there is anything in
the space under wings

lilly of the valley of death to false metal
weaving in and out of meadows
and by medows i mean the abbey
or was it an alley
or was there a difference
of where i wander and why
tolkien was a lying bag of dicks
every sack of shit is lost

breathing on her apple
and bringing it
inside her sweater to polish
hunched over
like an elephant drinking water
if an elephant was a slender
blonde crystal fucker
but still felt the same

spring is when restless sets in
makes me think I've never been
in love
shes always moving
always talking always
fidgeting
waiting rooms moving closer to
a tomb status
I have less/enough room
to move but
inch by inch
I move to you and
wonder when you
wake up too

have you seen him?
his greatest trick
is never moving
only me

high opera happens
when I have to ask
to have you back
to filled my space
where there is lack

poems made entirely of nail polish colors

it's a thrill in brazil
die another day
big apple red
girls
just want
to play

form into a format
a compatible one, please
i loaded my downs
and upped my load

i just think it's
as easy as doing
your taxes online
within minutes you

will have
plans
to
hang out

a three minute poem

i want to be the dog you walk
to hold your life together
in my pause
between jobs

like a love letter line
is a happy tongue hanging
you'll find me
loyal and warm
an easy side
to collect your smiles

take me home
you are done

poems made entirely of nail polish colors:

first timer
i sea you and i raise you
no name
i sea you and i raise you



just spotted the lizard
lapis of luxury
i don't give a rotterdamn

i
cant
wait
to
die
she
said
in

side
the
i

c
yu

know
how
you got
here but
i love you
adelaide 

please

i had dreams
every bad thing
from springfield
turned into a bird
and i couldn't
catch it, even
you

let me for you

your sad piano hands, so sweet

to meet to be a cathedral

we can marry under your worry or

your tabernacle asshole

the oversharing evidence of
period sex sheets reminds me
of old fashioned dance mats
from cartoons, with shoes

best whistlers never

this is just like that time
the second best whistler
in the city
saw me teary eyed outside for you
with his guitar and
started his mouth

today is the first day of
the rest of those days
that we had being
brought back to the
days that we have now

sometimes the rain
sounds like balls slapping skin

slugs and my wet pussy

slugs and my wet pussy
both dry up and die for
salty finger folly
and regain in the rain

always never hope

when I worked out
our knots, and knots in
necks, I didn't expect
the kay to drop

leave me in the absence of space
find me by the night of day
and pray, with words
that weren't worth waking
to the nobody upstairs
you always never hoped was there

yes miss

all I want is
to make you happy
so I smack you in the head
and shove my feet in your pathetic face
and try to kill you with my butt and hope
that these are the things
that make you happy
most

I have ten minutes to think of something romantic and profound to say to win you over but all I can think of is how your body and my body are puzzle pieces and what your face used to look like when i walked in coffee shops and what I will look like to no one now

i am sorry, for
whatever i did or
whoever i am that
led you to wake up and
drive me to work
for the last time

sad poetry, oh noetry

I'm happy
(happy?)
I took my break
before hers
just so
we have had been
dating
for a half hour
more

I bought
thirty dollar
socks

just so
you can take
them off

in between mms and ooms and ions and pillow your and face on my face I slide like k.y.

and Indian giving

sitting Indian style
has little to do with Indians
unless
Indians sat around,
smelling your cum
leak out their pussies
as if by some
forgiveness of osmosis

I love and miss you so much at the same time that I am in a constant state of nausea and panic

I would ask you to run away with me
if my mouth could find your ears
if my mouth could find your ears
then my finders could find
the opposite of your elbows and
touch and
maybe we wouldn't need to talk
but sleep like trees in summer

back room bargaining

bare feet on concrete,

feeling the shock of cool

and think, of sleeping with

you like river rocks

sound to now not move against

change. leave me here.

knees to my chest, choking

or relieving choking.

calming, or relieving calm

fresh is the word that runs

into my arm crooks like rain

fresh. you or her or us but

fresh, a fresher something

ever in crispers crisping

or tossed plastics in the air

a botched dining tv spot

fresh, or feeling fresh, looking

fresh. needing fresh seeking

something shocking, an ice bath

dunk tank you and me say, need. 

funny how
a room of jerking hands
flit about like birds in love

lone star #42

I hear
out west
the men wax their chest
and the women wear it
like a breast plate battle

I hear
out west
they say things like partner
for people they love
and live in living rooms

piggies 2

paper chasing
i forgot my czetchbook
a good mandarin is hard to find

eye have found space for us

resting in the crest of e's

lying in the slide of y

you gave like a gaggle
who stayed like a gargle

walkie talkie sexty texty

ok yes please can i come over

ok yes please. can i come, over?

your fist
is in
the pussy
of my
heart

your elbow
enters
the asshole
of my
soul

on my chest
a spot where
my first love so
lightly touched
was a cross
and sunburn
and fingertips

on my chest
now hangs
a gold cage
and a pearl
like a lost tooth
with a chain so thin
you would think
it didn't want
to be here

discreet place to cry #24

on the back of a windy motorcycle
(full face helmet optional)

oh holy hell hole holly

dumb old cold ho hum doldrums
oh I can't, coke can can come

shut doors leave
an imprint

negative colors
of you on
wood moving walls

never replace
the fade I fancy
supposing
we both walked away

aren't you glad god gave me a pussy
so you don't have to fuck me in hangover poops

cunt ass concussed customer

psilocybin
psycho guy binge
sight so high
I eyed my eyes cringe

the sign of the sword
the sign of the self

what sounded like
a bird
exploding
with joy

was the
over steamed
bath towel
falling

loyal like dogs lying down

hold st(ill/eady)

I learned to see the love in you
to want to walk in wanton ways
like you, give idle devils credit
glean still meaning in our days

litchenberg figure sketch

your lightning scars loved me for a minute, then were gone

like water in a tattoo gun
like her favorite songs
like raccoons through wet rubbish
losing my earring at your wake

were you ever mine, my lightning?
did you feel my body as you went through?

unlike unlike unlike

do they use her legs like rabbit ears?
drunk queen of the dial
what is it you fear?

(oh, just, here, come here, and i will show

you what it means to kill the thing you love

and return through the cruelest months

carrying his head through the end of the

earth on your silvered back. hands scratched

from the fight, skin sloughed raw. but feet a 

toughed smooth, the color of clay. oh, do i

have to take your hand and show you what 

it means to look at the lion looking at you?

look back, look back like the good books'

harlot and be the pillar of salt so sifted through

winds. forget, forget or make fated bridges of 

crippled birds. remember to forget, or never 

forget to remember to pretend to forget, and

one day will come when you will. (and you will))

what it is you fear

is gleaned wet cheeks, smile

when he uses your legs like rabbit ears

do not ask me
to marry
dead leaves
to live ivy

I don't mind that my room mates have much hair. I tug at the backed drain like a fly fisher. invisible DNA whispers into the creased curves of fingertips. I feel the weight, I pull. release. please give me the things too tiny for my nails. I beg for feeling bigness, anything but the way I've been

the shoes of your monument
were fa(s)t like a fisted gold
i threw on my cigarette
and clapped like a marigold

did i stutter
when i said
i'm sorry

did i falter
when i fell

who's there?

thank you times question mark?

when we made it
it sounded a lot like
there were big bands
rolling by
followed by
good ambulances
and i could have cried
for the times
i made it before
or thought i did
and cars that sound like
a crash into
parked fires

another other other

you had your back facing me
it was in an office with a policeman
you were typing at a typewriter, at a desk.

i met my girlfriend at the drugstore
we picked out different moisturizers.
they had deer themed hand sanitizers.
i just touched a jelly and everything would be clean.

i ran through the building that turned into a theater.
climbing staged rope ladders, the show was falling apart.

so i went to your room again.
you were just sitting there.
and suggested we get dinner.

i inquired to the wrath skellar
and we both agreed.

questions i ask my bird, questions i ask myself 2

why do you eat your own shit right off the keyboard?

missed c.

carry me under your arm
carry me anywhere
tell me all the things
you want to do

stop not smoking before bed

i buy a record, bring it home, put it on. it has your songs on it, but someone else singing. through some unholy miracle i find you, or you are there. i play it for you and i wonder who came first, who's the fraud. we make jokes about it.

the ice cream store is the biggest scene, it's the size of a cafeteria, and the whole time it's exchanges like, I thought you had baby sized, small medium and large; if we have had that, we don't have it anymore. they put blueberries the size of plums in my cup, i was only asking for cookie dough and oreos. I asked to see the manager and they said they have never seen them. i wonder where my girlfriend is, she makes things better, she works here, but not tonight. we sit in a big group of people, on opposite sides.

we walked out of the ice cream store, our hands touched. i locked your finger with my finger, i took another finger, rubbed it back and forth in your palm, a common gesture to me, one friends give each other to let each other know, i'm here for you, everything will be okay.

you grab my wrist and take me from the crowd, you find a porch to sit on, and throw us on there and say:

this is why i will (n)ever love you:

i ask you to clarify, but you smile and move on:


oh seven grain, you think you are so great, you have seven whole grains?
you make sandwiches called monkey wrenches all day
you complain about ice cream, and the smallest things,
when you are the smallest thing.
why do you have records with my words on it,
from other people?

and on and on, most of it nonsense, all of it nonsense, but with each word i miss a vertebra, my body goes limp, my mouth gets dumb, i have nothing to say, he's right he's right and I'm sorry, sorry sorry.

i wake up, naked and  turning in my white sheets, toes curled into the comforter, which is poorly named. i rub my hands across my stomach and chest, and tell myself to stop dreaming of you. 

rolling? stoned?, or, get over it sheila

so sue me
you stuck, luck has it
me, in a rut
to rot, by chance
in a rolling log
that gathers
the moss
of memories

i'm moving
but not on
though i know
there is no
trophy
in atrophy

so let me
stick
my thumb in
the plum pudding
the freshness
of best new breasts
heaving to
a whole new
breatheee

(at least) one lie before sunrise

i have certainly not found you
in the four aye ehm croissant boxes
before the sun comes
to remind playground slides
of shinier times

but these hours i own now
and i wouldn't have wanted you there anyways

on tongue piercing class

i can no longer justify
talking this dumb
for educational
purposes

questions I ask my bird, questions I ask myself

did you poop everywhere because you're scared?
or are you scared because you poop everywhere?

baby hitler tamagotchi weed

sleep, sleep,
I've never seen
the thoughts you think
worth mentioning

fall, fall
I never knew
the dreams that live
inside of you

sick #57257

did i not notice my stutter because i was lovestruck or did it become from love sickness

a cock crow, a cockroach

it was another porch night
one out of one hundred fair weather
cheap beer evenings, she
touched her whole leg with my whole leg, hammocked
and we met on both ends when

your breasts were out and
the tattoo ink dripped down your back
with faces staying immaculate you said
he wrote a new song, do you want to hear it?

i did, i do, i said, i gave
a pause like butter softening
just not in front of you guys
not when i've been drinking

excuse note one million

i've disposed of prose in the same fashion
as pretty floor panties.
with my feet, to the side
before you got a chance to look at what
you missed out on

horse revue

don't ever get the veggie burger. they use restaurant depot veggie burgers.
what else would I get there?
get the grazing plate...but you gotta like your shit burnt cause they burn all your shit. which is fine, cause like, you gotta burn the fuck out of a brussels sprout before I put it near my fucking mouth. so yeah, I guess i'll pay fourteen fucking dollars for some burnt ass brussels sprouts and eggplant and fucking asparagus.

vessels in my vessel
beveled like a shovel
an over the holder holder holer
bustling shoulders over boulders

oh d oh r or for alex

she tolerates

the face of my last love

i ask her to wear

but i can only just

see thoughts 

of him through

borrowed eyelids

feel free to
roll around
or any
verb preposition
, really

piggies

funky limelight
going incognito
here today, aragon tomorrow
just groovy