to her obligations

you will have to excuse shayna for not doing her homework. she didn't sleep anywhere near her bed last night. she felt that double fisting hoegaardens and miller high lifes at a trashy bar in cambridge on karaoke night was of higher priority than her scholarly pursuits. don't worry, cambridge carried her home in the crooks of his arms, but only after she violently airpunch danced at a hotel bar and chugged rubinoff at a strangers house, which, we are pleased to report, had a dog in it.

we will keep you posted with any academic developments, but unless she finds her homework lodged in the resinated ends of her pipe, i wouldn't hold your breath.